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Here’s why I wrote this little book of love poems.
What I have wanted most in this life is a love that will never leave. And I realized that maybe I hadn’t met with a love like that outside of me, in someone else, because I hadn’t met an unfaltering love from within me. So I decided I would retreat for 40 days with my red pen to try to tether together the small-ego-everyday-me to the me that’s a lighthouse-type-of-soul, the me that’s just undiluted love. I wanted to anchor once and for all into the love that’s within me, to a love that could never leave because it’s the truth of who I am. Whether I’m with a partner or alone, I wanted to feel free—entirely my own—an Ouroboros whose love circles back into herself.
This book is one-part sutras, one-part love poems, and one-part psychic twine.
They tell my whole truth. They reveal my ardor for the divine. They unite the masculine, manly aspects of me with the womanly, feminine aspects of me that I have sought to balance. They reconcile body and soul, human and divine, animal and angel, light and the dark, or basically- all that we can be conscious of containing.
This is what I’ve come here to tell you.
I am done with tormented, with half-in,
with a love that lacks hands and feet.
I am done with the thought that I could drown,
with fear that this light could burn out,
with forgetting that I was brought here to rise.
I am done with these long nights,
with this unlived desire,
with this disbelief that I could be fully loved.
I am done with being left, beloved,
so I vow to be the one to never leave you.
Here sits the holy of holies.
The secret, the diamond, the well.
We are everything and each other.
The light, the dark. The son, the moon.
The mother, the sky. The father, the earth.
the orb of light that orbits us.
The dawn, the daughter,
the fixed presence that forgives us.
We are everything and each other.
We can only heal if we see together the
red thread looped around the back of our hearts.
No matter how separate we think we are,
no worldly knife or hardened words can break it.
No amount of our own humanity can untether it.
We can’t undo what we didn’t create.
And so love is a bond that can’t be unmade.
What I didn’t realize until after I wrote this book is that there’s an ancient Tantric text called the Vijnana Bhairava Tantra, which is translated as something like “the terror and joy of realizing oneness with the soul.” It contains a poetic dialogue between the divine feminine and the divine masculine, between Shiva and Shakti, but in the case of this book it’s more like a sacred back and forth between Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene.
Ultimately, this book is a collection of love letters to and from my own soul.
The Sutras of Unspeakable Joy are the 40 days I devoted to ending a pattern of thinking that love, true and unwavering, was something I would meet outside of me. It’s a poetic conversation between the side of me that keeps forgetting that the deepest source of love comes from the divine and can only be met from within. And that side of me that is that love, completely, utterly, fully.
And what I did by devoting these 40 days to trying with words to realize oneness with the soul- is that I embodied the truth I have always taught. That love is what we are, not what we find- that true love is here- within us.